Haunt: To Have a Disquieting or Harmful Effect On

10:38 AM Jackie Mart 0 Comments

There are many triggers I encounter on a daily basis which lead me back to a place where I would rather not be.  (My eating disorder haunts me). 

This morning I got up at 5:00 AM to make the 6:00 AM cycle class at Cyclebar in Uptown Minneapolis.  There was a very thin girl positioned a few bikes down from me.  I have no idea if she was just naturally thin, had health issues, or an eating disorder (You can NEVER make assumptions just from someone's appearance) but I saw my former 103 pound self sitting there on that bike... My mind flashed back to my rail thin days.  Attending multiple fitness classes a day along with running and biking outdoors the same day use to be my norm.  Part of me wished I was tiny like her again and the other half of me was thankful I am not! My physical body looks different now than my sickly disordered former self.  Gaining weight has been the most frustrating and humbling thing about recovering from an eating disorder.  Everyone else talks and posts about their weight loss while you have gained... It's one of the toughest mountains I've been climbing the last few years along with battling some digestive issues. Some days I feel like a warrior and others, well, not so much....

I felt compelled to share this photo of me on Halloween dressed as a red Skittle. It popped up as one of my Facebook memories and I wanted to add it to this post.  I remember my friend Leighann taking this photo of me at her house party. I felt bloated and fat that night but as you can see I was far from it! (body dysmorphia at it's finest)

I admit I still have work to do mentally with truly loving and accepting myself as I am and hope my story inspires others who may be struggling!  Remember to take one day at a time and surround yourself with people who lift you up! It makes all the difference! 

Sending you love and light! 

Jackie <3

Copyright, 2017, Jackie Mart. For further information about this blog, or Optimum Wellness LLC, contact Jackie Mart at 712.790.5883 or Jackie@OptimumWellnessMN.com. As a holistic nutritionist and lifestyle coach, I will support you in taking steps to a healthier and happier you. My goal is to help you create an art of balance in your life. You will also learn how important balance between primary foods (relationships, physical activity, sleep, career and spirituality) and secondary foods (organic food and whole food) is.


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