Grief and Loss

4:44 PM Jackie Mart 0 Comments

Death seems to be looming around alot lately. A bunch of my coworkers and friends have lost a loved one the past few weeks. When I was home in Iowa for Easter I visited my grandma and grandpa's graves and Opal, my 99-year-old "adopted grandma," in the nursing home. It made me think alot about life and the losses we as human beings encounter.

I have been reading a book about loss and am realizing I have always been told not to feel the way I feel. I got yelled at for slamming my bedroom door when I was angry. Put down for being loud when I was excited, or was told to "get over it" when I was sad and lonely, or, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!!" We are not allowed very many days off after a death to grieve and are expected to "move on" as quick as possible with our lives. We live in a "fix-it" society, where people think the way to help is to make us feel feelings other than the ones we are actually experiencing. Mistakenly, many people will attempt to offer positive or even cheery words during times of suffering. What you need instead are friends who can stand alongside you, with patience, while your feelings of sorrow run their course. Feeling cannot be "fixed," as if they were a torn patchwork quilt in need of a needle and thread. Like a musty blanket, feelings require sunlight day after day, until the fresh air has finally cleared the dampness away.

In reality, we need to take time to allow the grief to settle in, and FEEL the feelings we have!!! So many times me stuff, hide, and bury our emotions inside instead of taking the time to deal with them when they occur! I know I have a hard time dealing with my feelings and emotions as an adult because of what I was taught as a child. I tend to keep insanely busy in order to avoid my feelings. Losses can include: death of a loved one, losing a job, house, money, divorce, pets, and etc.

I am still grieving and feeling the effects of my divorce which was the death of an 8 year relationship. It is normal to go through these stages with any type of loss:

Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

3.Bargaining
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4.Depression
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5.Acceptance
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Physical expressions can also accompany an experience of loss such as: anxiety, aches and pains, changes in appetite and sleep patterns.

Keeping those "Creepers" Away- Self Defense

7:34 AM Jackie Mart 0 Comments

I have been trying alot of new things lately and am loving it!! Last night, my friend Kim and I attended a free self-defense class offered through the Minneapolis Community Education Program. It was very engaging and informative!!! The instructor was hilarious!

I do not live in the safest neighborhood and had a run-in with a couple of drunk guys in my back alleyway before Christmas, resulting in being groped, and scraped hands and knees. I have not felt safe since!! I am not very big so I thought this class would be a great learning tool for me.

Did you know most women are attacked by someone they know?

Victims often report that something made them feel "uneasy" even before the attack began. The most useful thing you can do to upset an attacker's scenario and regain the initiative is to trust your feelings!!! You don't need to wait to find out why you feel uneasy before acting!

If you don't feel right about a person or situation, get or keep some distance. Don't assume that an attacker will always be a stranger. There are times when I have avoided strange men by crossing the street and using the other sidewalk, especially late at night when I am coming back to my studio.

Have strong body language: feet hip width apart with some space between them from front to back also. If a verbal response is required in a situation use simple statements and commands that refer only to what "I want" or "I don't want." Examples: "I want you to leave me alone!" "I want you to stay away from me!" "I don't want you to touch me!"

When physical resistance if the only chance for you to get away safely remember to use your arms and legs as weapons. Hard surfaces to strike with are: fist, fingers/nails, heel of your hand, edges of your hand, elbows, knees, ball of the foot, outside edge of the foot, and the heel.

Other safety measures to consider: whistles, air horns, pepper spray, tasers, or etc. But remember they can also be used against you!!!

Pay attention to your surroundings! Stay off your cell phone, hold keys in your hand, park under light poles, scan the area, tell people where you are going and when you will be home!!

I carry pepper spray on my keyring and have a baseball bat underneath my bed!!! Do whatever works for you!! Stay safe!!! :)

For more infomation: www.bpscom.com

Things I am Obsessed With Lately:

3:38 PM Jackie Mart 0 Comments

To-Go Ware Bamboo Utensil Sets are great to take to lunch with you or on a picnic! They even come with a pouch to store them in! Very eco-friendly!!

Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:03 PM Jackie Mart 2 Comments

Heard this song on the radio again. I love it and just wanted to share it with you! Was loving the weather today!! Relaxed for once actually and read in the park a few blocks away! It was nice to get in some "me" time! I feel very refreshed. :)


http://youtu.be/1vh7-RSPuAA

Healing Hands

9:19 PM Jackie Mart 10 Comments

Likely, it was your mother or father who first held your hand when you began taking baby steps. Having a parent hold your hand while you were out in the world made you feel safe, protected from any harm. Later, hand-holding was likely done in friendship with your schoolmates or siblings. Hand-holding during the dating scene was a whole new experience that made your heart skip a beat or two. Holding a loved one's hand while sitting at their bedside is especially nurturing. Holding hands is definitely a heart-connected activity!

Skin Deep

8:38 PM Jackie Mart 0 Comments

I think many people don't realize that their skin is their largest organ! What we put on our skin is very readily absorbed. Toxins are lurking in the products you use every day!! Instead of using chemical-laden perfume I use essential oils! You can mix any essential oil with a carrier oil (jojoba, almond, apricot kernal, and etc) and apply it to your skin as a natural fragrance. One of my favorite scents is called "Joyful Spirit" by a local company here in Minneapolis called Wyndmere. It has a citrus note and really cheers me up on cloudy days! If you are wondering how your skin care products rate for health hazards visit the Environmental Working Group's Skin deep website:

http://www.cosmeticdatabase.com/

I love the SKIN products. They contain only 4 to 10 ingredients including: Free-radical, age-fighting antioxidants, Natural anti-inflammatory nutrients, Certified organic and all-natural ingredients, Premium Essential Oils (powerful antioxidants which detoxify the body and promote emotional, physical, and spiritual health), and Nourishing & Organic nut, seed, and fruit oils.

Just as important is what they leave out: Harmful chemicals, Parabens (which have been linked to breast cancer), Synthetic dyes and fragrance, Chemical preservatives, Phthalates (a class of chemicals linked to hormonal disruption and birth defects). http://www.realorganicskin.com/index.htmlcskin.com/index.html

Weight and Inner Love Blog Post

6:50 AM Jackie Mart 0 Comments

I came across this blog post the other day. I really liked what she had to say. Thought I would share it with you!

http://www.larkneville.com/weight-and-inner-love/

"I love and approve of myself, no matter what."

Shrinking Box Visualization

12:56 PM Jackie Mart 0 Comments

This is a simple, yet effective, visualization you can use to help combat those overwhelming stresses and pesky problems that are eating away at you.

Imagine a plain cardboard carton. Open the box with your mind and picture yourself putting all your stresses and problems inside. Close the carton and seal it with duct tape. Now imagine the box literally shrinking in size. As it gets smaller and smaller you are helping to put your problems in perspective. Continue to mentally shrink down the box until "poof" the box has disappeared.

Repeat this exercise everyday until you get the message that your problems are only as big as you picture them.

Angels in Your Life

11:57 AM Jackie Mart 0 Comments

After church this last week I have been thinking alot about angels. The next three weeks the sermons are going to be about the "supernatural." I find this very intriguing!

Angels are created beings that are sent here to protect us, deliver messages, and to strengthen and encourage us. I'm pretty sure I have encountered many angels when I have been discouraged when life has not been going according to planned. The messages they send are usually ones that put things back into perspective and turn my focus to what really matters in life!

This reminds me of when my sister gave me a silver clip to put in my car along time ago that reads, "Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly!" haha I definitely need that reminder! :)

I feel as though there are many angels surrounding me and protecting me especially in this difficult transition time in my life. Some days I ask God to send down angels when I am having a particularly rough day to guide me and surround me with love, peace, serenity, and joy!!