“I feel so fat.”
“I feel fat and ugly.”
“I’m having a fat day.”
“I feel fat.”
Sound familiar? How often do these phrases run through your mind? Feeling fat is something that many women (and men) also experience these fat feelings on occasion. ”I’m having a fat day,” is now a common catch phrase for women of all ages. So what to do when you feel fat?
This “feeling of fat” is very overwhelming. It’s the worst feeling of not wanting to be in your skin. It takes over and seems like you can’t think about anything else. You feel like you don't belong in your body, like you want suddenly to drop all the weight or steal someone else’s beautiful physique and instantly everything will feel better. I thought losing weight would make everything perfect. I wanted to stop feeling fat but I didn't know what to do when you feel fat.
I remember before I got help I felt fat every single day! I would look in the mirror despising every ounce of fat, cellulite, and stretch mark on my body. I would spend hours trying to find the right pair of jeans that didn't make my love handles stick out and hours mulling over which outfit made me look the least fat. ”I feel fat and ugly, I feel fat and ugly, I feel fat and ugly,” seemed to be a never-ending tape that was playing inside my head. I desperately wanted to crawl out of my skin! It was a struggle that left me feeling worthless, disgusting, all alone, and of course, I feeling FAT.
“Fat is not a feeling.”
At first when I heard this in eating disorder recovery, I didn't quite understand. I had the “I feel so fat” thinking for most of my life, and I really had to look back and examine what was really going on inside. Why did I feel fat? What was the underlying cause? What to do when you feel fat?
For many women suffering with eating disorders these “I feel fat” feelings can actually trigger the eating disorder behaviors itself. When the “I feel fat and ugly” feelings come up, many women decide that dieting or restricting is the answer. Or the negative “I feel fat” feelings might trigger a binge or a binge and purge episode to try and escape or stuff down those unwanted feelings. It’s a really destructive cycle- the eating disorder behaviors trigger more of the unwanted feelings, which contribute to feeling worse about yourself, which lead to more eating disorder behaviors, which lead to more negative feelings and on and on and on. It’s a vicious cycle!
If fat is not a feeling, then what am I really feeling inside?
When you feel fat, ask yourself:
- Are you feeling fearful, scared, hopeless, helpless or overwhelmed?
- Are you feeling sad, alone, depressed, disappointed, hurt, unhappy, or regret?
- Are you feeling angry, aggravated, annoyed, upset, uncomfortable, or frustrated?
- Are you feeling guilty, ashamed, unworthy, embarrassed, or worthless?
- Are you feeling anxious, nervous, frightened, insecure, or worried?
- Are you feeling confused, desperate, puzzled, lost, bewildered or troubled?
Feeling fat is really just a cover-up for a range of emotions. These are just some of the many feelings that might be underlying those fat feelings. Specific situations could trigger these feelings.
The “I feel fat and ugly” feelings you experience have a lot to do with the fact that you do not love and accept yourself.
I didn't love and accept myself, I didn't love and accept my body, and I didn’t love and accept the feelings I was having. I didn't know how to feel my feelings properly. I learned that feelings were scary and they made me feel out of control. Developing the eating disorder was a way to manage those powerful emotions and feelings that were coming up.
So What Do You Do When You Feel Fat?
Identify what you're really feeling.
Stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I really feeling?” It might be helpful to journal about it or talk to a support person (family, friend, online community, etc) about what you are going through emotionally and the feelings that are coming up. Use the questions above to recognize the feelings and emotions if you need help. I like to lay in my bed and think or text friends.
Acknowledge and accept that you are having these feelings.
It’s okay to FEEL your feelings! They are not going to kill you as overwhelming as they may seem. This is normal as you haven't allowed yourself to truly feel the emotions for such a long time. Easier said than done, I know!! Don't worry, the feelings do subside and it does get easier! Remember, “This too shall pass.”
Recognize your triggers and create a strategy for dealing with them.
Why are you feeling this way? Where does the feeling come from? Is it something specific like an event or relationship problem, or is it based on an underlying belief like not loving the self? For example, you might get triggered by feeling anxious or alone, or maybe you got in a fight with a loved one. Try to write down what triggers you to feel this way so that you can create a strategy for overcoming the eating disorder behaviors the next time the trigger pops up. Write your distraction strategies down and carry them with you wherever you go! Pull them out when you need it! I carry a list in my purse.
Take positive action steps.
Use a healthy coping method to deal with the emotion so you can process it and release it. If you're sad this might mean reaching out for support via a phone call or just simply letting yourself cry. If you're angry it might mean taking a walk to clear your head, listening to music, punching a pillow, or getting a good workout in. If you're anxious it might mean doing some yoga poses or journaling about what you're going through to try to ease the anxiety. You might have different ways of dealing with the variety of emotions that come up.
Most importantly, you have to find a way that works for you to help you deal with your emotions and feelings in a healthy way. I like to make jewelry, read, take a walk, or blog!
Learn to change the negative self-talk into positive, loving thoughts.
This one doesn’t happen overnight. The “I feel fat and ugly” thoughts are like a repetitive tape and it’s important to change these negative thoughts to overcome the underlying belief.
Shower yourself with thoughts of “I love myself.” ”I accept myself.” ”I love and accept my body.” ”I love you.” “Thank you.” “You are beautiful inside and out.” “I bless my body with love, all parts of my body are beautiful.” Repeat. Repeat. Repeat!!
It takes work but it is so worth it. You are worth it!!
Learn more about affirmations at my upcoming workshop on June 23rd! Please follow this link for more details:
Copyright, 2013, Jackie Mart. For further information about this blog, or Optimum Wellness MN, contact Jackie Mart at 712.790.5883 or Jackie@OptimumWellnessMN.com. As a holistic nutrition and lifestyle coach, I will support you in taking steps to a healthier and happier you. My goal is to help you create an art of balance in your life. You will also learn how important balance between primary foods (relationships, physical activity, sleep, career and spirituality) and secondary foods (organic food and whole food) is.
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